Mongol Rally Day 4 - Party, Pissed, Police.

The travellers have been furiously updating today :
"getting ready for the big czech party we just bought the worlds biggest beer can holds 60 pints."

Then pre-party, we ascertain thus :
"on our way to Slovakia, Dave and Paul on the absinyth last night and broke the camp chairs with their drunken behaviour."

Also referring to the party:
"bannan and dai were completely twatted last nite and i can c why bannan is on his 3rd marriage he snores like a hog."

This update was received by no other than Mr Pittaway whom of course has never been inebriated and would never be seen in such a state .....

Finally :
" we just recieved our first fine of 100 euros jim and dave could not charm mr policeman steve and paul could."

After a night of  jollification and absinthe with Dai and Paul I for one am bloody happy that I'm not sharing a compact Peugeot  206 in the middle of summer, in the middle of Europe with these individuals, and offer my deepest sympathy for who else is sharing the car with them. Driving with the two sots, farting, wheezing, spewing and groaning definitely would not be for the faint of heart. However Mr Bannan  seems to have recovered enough to be able to cajole the police and has emerged as the partys' diplomatic attaché. The mind boggles as to what prattle he came out with to enable him to "charm" the official. Perhaps he was slurring and spitting that much that the copper thought he was mentally unstable and took pity on him. We can only speculate as to the gibberish that was muttered by the drunkard.

The last update on the map says that they have reached Budapest, and as the name of that city begins with the letter "B" has me and others"in the know" very worried about the safety of the quintet....... Benidorm,  (bludgeoned by the police and a posse of angry Scotsmen), Bratislava, (Myself and Shorty threatened and "sent to Coventry"), and not forgetting Barcelona, (injuries sustained to forehead via a low metal shutter and hosed down by a street cleaner).......Remember these occasions Mr Pittaway ?

Mongol Rally Day 3 - Has Bannan Lost The Plot ?

"nurnberg deutchland " grey goose vodka is wunderbar and bannon the glutton has fell through the slats of his bed 4 the third time(nothing to do with weight or ale) and he his talking to himself(not a good sign for another 9000 miles) and we have met fellow mongols wong way round. great name luy you all"

Source of update unknown

As a wild guess, this update was received after leaving rather than entering the bar at Nurnberg. Mr Bannan although a premier division ale drinker, seems to have lost all faculties and dexterity surprisingly early into the journey. Perhaps it's down to the Grey Goose Vodka that this harrowing condition has taken a hold of him. I only hope that when he plummeted through the slats of the bed that he wasn't in the top bunk berth. Anyone hapless enough to be below the portly adventurer would have procured terrible injuries and without doubt his rally would be doomed. 

Sympathies must be extended to the unfortunate team, Wong Way Round, that stumbled upon our quintet. Was Bannan rambling on to himself whilst they were in their company ? Was it one of the other team members bed that Bannan crashed through, Grey Goose in one hand, Bratwurst in 'tother babbling on incoherently to himself as he fell ?. These questions remain unanswered at the moment but I'm sure the truth will eventually emerge. 

Klenova Castle,Czech Republic

Update :

"On route to CZ"

Update:

 "klenova castle, Czech Republic"

Day 2 Update -Frankfurt, Germany

Quotes from unknown adventurer :

" bitburg the fatherland, first night on road slept in cars in heavy rain, bloody dank"

also we learn :

" Vee are in Germany and it is pissing down all in dressed for the desert "

From these quotes we may confidently conclude that the first cracks are appearing amongst the quintet. The structure of the sentence is a tad wayward suggesting sleep deprivation and hunger. A text received by me last night also stated that Mr Bannan : "has not stopped bloody eating". Obviously Bannan is fattening himself up even more from his gluttonous 17 stone. This may hold him in good stead as when they get to the desert a diet of scorpions, flies, sand, and grubs is to be expected.

New update received:

"Nurnberg just booked in to hotel after spending last night in the car on side of road miles covered about 850 9150 to go".

Update 17:30 Sunday 24th July

Steve phoned saying : Forget the "star wars bar" and that they are now in the roughest bar they've ever been in. Went to a bar in Nurnberg, Germany, where there were two people in there both fast asleep and one of them the landlord. They woke them up and the landlord attempted to serve them unfortunately for him and amusingly for the lads, knocking into his shelves which  sent all his glasses "arse over tit" onto the floor. Unperturbed the landlord managed to serve the ale then took out a porn mag and "retired" to the toilet for twenty minutes. On completion of his task he returned to the bar and nodded off again amongst the debris.
..............and Germany is probably the most "civilised" country they will visit........ 

Mongol rally update

The 5 Mongols  ....... are about to enter the tunnel and are driving straight through to Germany where no doubt they will each be sporting a natty line in  lederhosen for the first nights session in mainland Europe.

The Mongolian 5

Steve

Five intrepid adventurers left the Hope and Anchor this afternoon (22 July 2011)  in two Peugeot 206's bound for the barren plains of Mongolia. Weighing in at an approximate combined weight of 74.5 stone (1043lbs) ish.. and an average age of about 48, the lionhearted quintet squeezed into the cars next to spare tyres, jerry cans,bags,cans of beans, bog roll and of course copious amounts of liquid refreshment. The first port of call is Goodwood racecourse where the start of 2011 Mongolian Rally gets under way with a bit of a party. So basically  they drive about 150 miles and they're already on the lash. Then surprise surprise the next leg of the journey finds them all meeting in Prague for guess what ?................yes another night on the razzle ! Now the morning after the Prague shindig the reality of the situation may kick in. If they have not dis-embowled each other by then they face a further 9000 odd mile jaunt to Ulan Bator, traversing 5 mountain ranges and three deserts, negotiating fierce border guards, the Mongolian Death Worm, malnutrition, B.O, madness, farting, breakdowns, Jim's CD's and singing, wild yaks, searing heat, and a plethora of other obstacles which they will inevitably encounter. All in all a bloody challenging trek ..........

GOD I WISH I WAS GOING WITH 'EM

James

Dai

Three of the five participants, and I think you'll agree perhaps the most hideous looking team of 2011. The other two were emitted as the photos were that horrendous that I was extremely concerned that it may have caused offence and also was not sure if their wives/girlfriends knew they were going.

Countries : UK, France, Belgium, Germany, Czech Rep, Slovakia, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, Turkey, Iran, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Russia, and Mongolia.

Good Luck Lads

Dave the Grave earns deduction reprieve

Mr Graves' proposed points deduction regarding "foul play" in last weeks selection has been quashed. When visiting the pub on Saturday morning, the administration was immediately confronted by a very unstable and incensed Mr Grave. The seething individual harangued the unfortunate official and delivered an inane tongue-lashing for at least 10 minutes without hint of a  breath. The victim at one stage had to seek refuge in the cellar of the pub as Mr G seemed to reach into his murky tescos' bag possibly for a weapon. This resulted in the sprint for the relative refuge of the establishments  basement. Unfortunately the admin official was visibly shaken by the the demented old boys attack, and needed a stiff glass of Woods to be able to attempt to resume negotiations with Grave.

Grave celebrates after points reprieve

As a result of the incident the decision was made not to deduct any points from Grave as his unbalanced personality may lead to further episodes of a similar nature. The admin, however  has now appointed  a steward.... one James "Rathbone" Tully, to deal with Graves caustic temper and to administer any chastisement that may be deemed appropriate during the remainder of the competition. This will also absolve the administration of any further blame when Mr Grave inevitably strikes again. Tully was/will be pleased with his new roll and has vast experience of  being attacked and set upon on a weekly basis and therefore suggests  he'll be ideal for the challenging role. 

Latest Positions.

1. Elmo Weston 12.5 pts

2. A.P Mundy     1.8 pts

3. Dave the Grave 1.0 pts

4. Big 'Un     -1.0 pts

H&A Dreamteam 2011-2012