Day 2 Update -Frankfurt, Germany

Quotes from unknown adventurer :

" bitburg the fatherland, first night on road slept in cars in heavy rain, bloody dank"

also we learn :

" Vee are in Germany and it is pissing down all in dressed for the desert "

From these quotes we may confidently conclude that the first cracks are appearing amongst the quintet. The structure of the sentence is a tad wayward suggesting sleep deprivation and hunger. A text received by me last night also stated that Mr Bannan : "has not stopped bloody eating". Obviously Bannan is fattening himself up even more from his gluttonous 17 stone. This may hold him in good stead as when they get to the desert a diet of scorpions, flies, sand, and grubs is to be expected.

New update received:

"Nurnberg just booked in to hotel after spending last night in the car on side of road miles covered about 850 9150 to go".

Update 17:30 Sunday 24th July

Steve phoned saying : Forget the "star wars bar" and that they are now in the roughest bar they've ever been in. Went to a bar in Nurnberg, Germany, where there were two people in there both fast asleep and one of them the landlord. They woke them up and the landlord attempted to serve them unfortunately for him and amusingly for the lads, knocking into his shelves which  sent all his glasses "arse over tit" onto the floor. Unperturbed the landlord managed to serve the ale then took out a porn mag and "retired" to the toilet for twenty minutes. On completion of his task he returned to the bar and nodded off again amongst the debris.
..............and Germany is probably the most "civilised" country they will visit........ 

Mongol rally update

The 5 Mongols  ....... are about to enter the tunnel and are driving straight through to Germany where no doubt they will each be sporting a natty line in  lederhosen for the first nights session in mainland Europe.

The Mongolian 5

Steve

Five intrepid adventurers left the Hope and Anchor this afternoon (22 July 2011)  in two Peugeot 206's bound for the barren plains of Mongolia. Weighing in at an approximate combined weight of 74.5 stone (1043lbs) ish.. and an average age of about 48, the lionhearted quintet squeezed into the cars next to spare tyres, jerry cans,bags,cans of beans, bog roll and of course copious amounts of liquid refreshment. The first port of call is Goodwood racecourse where the start of 2011 Mongolian Rally gets under way with a bit of a party. So basically  they drive about 150 miles and they're already on the lash. Then surprise surprise the next leg of the journey finds them all meeting in Prague for guess what ?................yes another night on the razzle ! Now the morning after the Prague shindig the reality of the situation may kick in. If they have not dis-embowled each other by then they face a further 9000 odd mile jaunt to Ulan Bator, traversing 5 mountain ranges and three deserts, negotiating fierce border guards, the Mongolian Death Worm, malnutrition, B.O, madness, farting, breakdowns, Jim's CD's and singing, wild yaks, searing heat, and a plethora of other obstacles which they will inevitably encounter. All in all a bloody challenging trek ..........

GOD I WISH I WAS GOING WITH 'EM

James

Dai

Three of the five participants, and I think you'll agree perhaps the most hideous looking team of 2011. The other two were emitted as the photos were that horrendous that I was extremely concerned that it may have caused offence and also was not sure if their wives/girlfriends knew they were going.

Countries : UK, France, Belgium, Germany, Czech Rep, Slovakia, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, Turkey, Iran, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Russia, and Mongolia.

Good Luck Lads

Dave the Grave earns deduction reprieve

Mr Graves' proposed points deduction regarding "foul play" in last weeks selection has been quashed. When visiting the pub on Saturday morning, the administration was immediately confronted by a very unstable and incensed Mr Grave. The seething individual harangued the unfortunate official and delivered an inane tongue-lashing for at least 10 minutes without hint of a  breath. The victim at one stage had to seek refuge in the cellar of the pub as Mr G seemed to reach into his murky tescos' bag possibly for a weapon. This resulted in the sprint for the relative refuge of the establishments  basement. Unfortunately the admin official was visibly shaken by the the demented old boys attack, and needed a stiff glass of Woods to be able to attempt to resume negotiations with Grave.

Grave celebrates after points reprieve

As a result of the incident the decision was made not to deduct any points from Grave as his unbalanced personality may lead to further episodes of a similar nature. The admin, however  has now appointed  a steward.... one James "Rathbone" Tully, to deal with Graves caustic temper and to administer any chastisement that may be deemed appropriate during the remainder of the competition. This will also absolve the administration of any further blame when Mr Grave inevitably strikes again. Tully was/will be pleased with his new roll and has vast experience of  being attacked and set upon on a weekly basis and therefore suggests  he'll be ideal for the challenging role. 

Latest Positions.

1. Elmo Weston 12.5 pts

2. A.P Mundy     1.8 pts

3. Dave the Grave 1.0 pts

4. Big 'Un     -1.0 pts

H&A Dreamteam 2011-2012

Grave and Mundy mystery

Dave the Grave and A.P.Mundy appear  to have concocted together to produce their first winner(s) of the competition. Strangely though they both picked the same horse. A previous post which intimated a possible link between the gruesome twosome seems now to have added some clout to the allegation. The horse Dream Ahead romped home at Newmarket priced at 7/1. The question was that who copied who in picking the horse. In a thorough  fact finding investigation into the grubby affair it does seem that Mr Mundy entered the horse first. Unfortunately for Mr Grave when blatantly copying Mundys' selection he made the schoolboy error of spelling the horses name wrong and more seriously writing in UPPER CASE text. This will not be tolerated and is frowned upon by the administration. When consulting the rule book it was discovered that Rule 1a clearly states thus:-

Any tipster who spells the name of the horse incorrectly will incur a deduction of 30p in the Pound of any profit made.

and also Rule 4b says:-

Any tipster foolhardy enough to have the "brass neck" to enter his/her selection in UPPER CASE will   incur a deduction in 60p in the Pound of any profit made.

In conclusion to this episode it is decided that Mundy shall receive his 7pts profit and Grave I'm sorry to say, will  receive a 90% penalty, and should think himself awful lucky that a further 5p in the Pound was not deducted due to his shameless copying of Mundys' tip. He will therefore gain 0.7pts profit

Dream Ahead earns 7pts for  ONE tipster  while the other can Dream On 

1. Elmo Weston  12.5
2. A.P. Mundy     1.00
3. Big 'Un      0.00
4. Billy Kemp  -2.00

    15 Dave The Grave -6.90

Dave the Graves' Humiliation

The latest Tipster Competition table shows the caustic Mr Grave rock bottom of the table much to the merriment  of others and consternation of Mr Grave. When informed of his position the tirade of abuse and derision shown by Mr G was sadly to be expected. He could not seem to grasp the concept of  "alphabetical order" the reason for his lowly position.

A very disturbed  Mr Grave after viewing latest tipster table

" What do you ******* mean I'm bottom on alphabetical order ? My bloody name begins with D!??"

"Yes David but it's got a V in it.... ennit !

"So ******* what you prat ?

" Well Mr Grave the administrations decision is final and any further vilification on your part may result in a hefty points deduction and perhaps a knee in your bony groin".

Allowance must be made to Mr G. due to his age and waspish personality, but obviously any further outbursts will be met with  heavy and draconian  repercussions  .

Only one winner this week a 2/1 shot millylovestobougie which we watched live at Leicester races. Hours of  sweat and toil pouring over form landed the first winner for Shorty,or was it just because his youngest daughter is named  Milly ?..........ummm............

• Elmo Weston     13.5
• Big 'Un     1.0
• Billy Kemp     -1.00

Bottom....Dave the Grave    -6.0