Dave the Grave earns deduction reprieve

Mr Graves' proposed points deduction regarding "foul play" in last weeks selection has been quashed. When visiting the pub on Saturday morning, the administration was immediately confronted by a very unstable and incensed Mr Grave. The seething individual harangued the unfortunate official and delivered an inane tongue-lashing for at least 10 minutes without hint of a  breath. The victim at one stage had to seek refuge in the cellar of the pub as Mr G seemed to reach into his murky tescos' bag possibly for a weapon. This resulted in the sprint for the relative refuge of the establishments  basement. Unfortunately the admin official was visibly shaken by the the demented old boys attack, and needed a stiff glass of Woods to be able to attempt to resume negotiations with Grave.

Grave celebrates after points reprieve

As a result of the incident the decision was made not to deduct any points from Grave as his unbalanced personality may lead to further episodes of a similar nature. The admin, however  has now appointed  a steward.... one James "Rathbone" Tully, to deal with Graves caustic temper and to administer any chastisement that may be deemed appropriate during the remainder of the competition. This will also absolve the administration of any further blame when Mr Grave inevitably strikes again. Tully was/will be pleased with his new roll and has vast experience of  being attacked and set upon on a weekly basis and therefore suggests  he'll be ideal for the challenging role. 

Latest Positions.

1. Elmo Weston 12.5 pts

2. A.P Mundy     1.8 pts

3. Dave the Grave 1.0 pts

4. Big 'Un     -1.0 pts

H&A Dreamteam 2011-2012

Grave and Mundy mystery

Dave the Grave and A.P.Mundy appear  to have concocted together to produce their first winner(s) of the competition. Strangely though they both picked the same horse. A previous post which intimated a possible link between the gruesome twosome seems now to have added some clout to the allegation. The horse Dream Ahead romped home at Newmarket priced at 7/1. The question was that who copied who in picking the horse. In a thorough  fact finding investigation into the grubby affair it does seem that Mr Mundy entered the horse first. Unfortunately for Mr Grave when blatantly copying Mundys' selection he made the schoolboy error of spelling the horses name wrong and more seriously writing in UPPER CASE text. This will not be tolerated and is frowned upon by the administration. When consulting the rule book it was discovered that Rule 1a clearly states thus:-

Any tipster who spells the name of the horse incorrectly will incur a deduction of 30p in the Pound of any profit made.

and also Rule 4b says:-

Any tipster foolhardy enough to have the "brass neck" to enter his/her selection in UPPER CASE will   incur a deduction in 60p in the Pound of any profit made.

In conclusion to this episode it is decided that Mundy shall receive his 7pts profit and Grave I'm sorry to say, will  receive a 90% penalty, and should think himself awful lucky that a further 5p in the Pound was not deducted due to his shameless copying of Mundys' tip. He will therefore gain 0.7pts profit

Dream Ahead earns 7pts for  ONE tipster  while the other can Dream On 

1. Elmo Weston  12.5
2. A.P. Mundy     1.00
3. Big 'Un      0.00
4. Billy Kemp  -2.00

    15 Dave The Grave -6.90

Dave the Graves' Humiliation

The latest Tipster Competition table shows the caustic Mr Grave rock bottom of the table much to the merriment  of others and consternation of Mr Grave. When informed of his position the tirade of abuse and derision shown by Mr G was sadly to be expected. He could not seem to grasp the concept of  "alphabetical order" the reason for his lowly position.

A very disturbed  Mr Grave after viewing latest tipster table

" What do you ******* mean I'm bottom on alphabetical order ? My bloody name begins with D!??"

"Yes David but it's got a V in it.... ennit !

"So ******* what you prat ?

" Well Mr Grave the administrations decision is final and any further vilification on your part may result in a hefty points deduction and perhaps a knee in your bony groin".

Allowance must be made to Mr G. due to his age and waspish personality, but obviously any further outbursts will be met with  heavy and draconian  repercussions  .

Only one winner this week a 2/1 shot millylovestobougie which we watched live at Leicester races. Hours of  sweat and toil pouring over form landed the first winner for Shorty,or was it just because his youngest daughter is named  Milly ?..........ummm............

• Elmo Weston     13.5
• Big 'Un     1.0
• Billy Kemp     -1.00

Bottom....Dave the Grave    -6.0

Tully finds love

With recent speculation concerning Weston's love life, it can now be revealed here that his cohort J.Tully has actually succeeded in finding someone to bend the knee. It comes as no real surprise as the boy has changed certain habits in the days prior to this astonishing revelation. He was spotted walking up the town by a reliable source with his hair immaculately combed in the retro centre parting style. Along with this amazingly coiffured noggin he was also heard to be singing Jim Reeves' Moonlight and Roses .whilst on his way to work. The H&ADT administration can only offer this new paramour sincere condolences at being "buttered up" by Mr Tully. Happily the improvement in the boys' manners and general demeanour are truly staggering, "that lad Rathbone has a bit of a spring in his step lately" commented one pub regular, and "Who the bleeding hell cut his hair ?" was uttered by another. This turnaround in the boys fortune is good for all at the H&A as his ranting and raving behind the bar were on the verge of warranting some sort of  internal judicial action, so on behalf of all at  the H&A I offer a profound thank-you to the girl involved

Model sporting Tully style centre parting cut

I intend to arrange a meeting with Mr D Neal to discuss what present to buy for the happy couple.

Tipster Comp Update Top 5

1. Elmo Weston 14.5pts
2. Big 'Un 2pts
3. Billy Kemp 0pts
4. KJM -1.75pts
5. Debbie and Dan -3.33pts

Is Weston "Bending The Knee"?

The  H&A tipster competition is now three weeks old. Fifteen entrants multiplied by three equals forty-five selections. Number of winners picked........THREE... and Elmo Weston has "picked" two of  them (the other by Billy Kemp, well known to enjoy a flutter or two) one at 12/1 and the other at 11/2. The question must be who is he bribing or sleeping with to get such good tips?. He is not known for his financial extravagance at the bar so bribery can probably be ruled out, so one can only assume he's found someone to, as we say -  " Bend The Knee", and is  gleaning equine information to help him in his quest to win the competition. Now I don't know any female companions with a knowledge of racing within his circle of friends so again one must assume the other gender is  likely to be involved. A number of promising candidates come to mind to who this partner may be but it would be very wrong of me to divulge my suspicions, and after all there is no rule saying that a partner or "chum" may not assist.

Mundy on a Sunday after latest horse flops

One of the pre-competition favourites, A.P. Mundy. a former jockey himself and a respected tipster has been a major disappointment so far. Touted by many to win the money he has failed to deliver anything that even looks likely to be a winner. Endless pawing over the form-book seems to have taken it's toll on Mundy resulting in some quite vehement outbursts in the pub lately. It has been suggested that his tantrums are very similar to another one of the favourites, and winner of a previous competition.......Dave the Grave. Mr Grave is a well known firebrand in the pub and reacts very sourly to anyone who goes anywhere near his plastic carrier bag. What the bag contains is a mystery to all and any enquiry as to it's contents are met with a torrent of abuse and foul language. This behaviour is commonplace with Mr Grave and now increasingly with Mr Mundy. Perhaps some probing into Mr Grave's family tree may indicate a link with the diminutive Mr Mundy as their traits and rantings are so similar.

TIPSTER TABLE (TOP)

1. Elmo Weston  16.5
2. Billy Kemp        2.0
3. Jim Buist          -2.0
4. Shirl                -2.0

Miracle !

Lillington Club 2-5 Hope & Anchor 'A'........Our first darts win of the season.....and possibly the last !

P.S .... Dom Neal gets a "Tin Hat".