OH MY GOOD GOD

Irish Deliverance Profiles. (New paddler recruited)

Name:  Paul 
Role :   Front-line paddler, Angler, Boat figurehead, Ballast.

Age:     36 (I think that's what he'd have me believe)
Born:    Leamington Spa 
Work:  Dust Monkey, ex Jockey (Sausage)
Married:  Yes to gambling, and The Hope and Anchor.
Drinking:  Premiership. Tends to linger on and have 5 or 6 " for the road".
Interests: 9 card brag, Gambling, Pole Vault. Poking  his I-phone.

Paul's main concern about the Irish Deliverance trip is his inability to swim. Actually that statement is not quite accurate as he did inform me that he is perfectly able to swim a maximum of about 5 yards....problem is that he can only achieve this stupendous feat underwater. Therefore we have decided to add a gaff to our kit as insurance just in case, or perhaps more likely, he tumbles overboard thus ensuring brisk recovery.

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Jonny Bolt

Northumberland Road, Leamington Spa where residents
where shocked to see an athlete of Jonnys standing gracing their
salubrious tree lined avenue.

The arduous task of training for the Irish Deliverance trip has started for least one of the team. Jonny was spotted by myself bounding "gazzelle-like"  up a very select and leafy avenue in Leamington. Resplendent in suspiciously new looking jogging gear, he no doubt had neighbourhood watch operatives nervously reaching for their phones as this dodgy looking character invaded their territory. However it cannot be discounted that before he saw me  he may very well have just been taking a gentle amble, then on spotting me called out to attract my attention and proceeded to sprint past in a time that Usain Bolt would be proud of. Still either way he has got the ball rolling. The only exercise Jim, Steve, and Lone Wolf seem to have embarked upon is lifting a pint pot to their mouths. Dai nonetheless is known to do a bit of running and also cycles to his work in Coventry of a morning so may well be ahead of us all

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Profile - Ammendment

The adjective waspish leads to a
 disgraceful threat of violence 

Ammendment


On Steve's profile I described his wife as; "an extremely waspish type". I would like to replace the term "waspish" with a less cutting word. I thought perhaps "lively" would be acceptable to his betrothed and I pray this amendment will spare me from a severe lambasting from the said spouse

KJM. 

Profiles - Irish Deliverance 2012

Name: James
Role:   Front line paddler, Diplomacy, Experienced Woodsman.
Age:    49 (will be when we start)
Born :  Coventry
Work:   Bricklayer, Diplomat, Singer.
Married: Nearly 
Drinking: Premiership although prone to nodding off late on.
Interests :  Dogging or Dog Walking (?) Mongol veteran

Name:  Steve
Role:   Front line paddler, Navigation, Repairs to anything that breaks
Age:    49 ( will be)
Born:   Leamington Spa
Work:  Jovial Landlord, Roofer
Married: Indeed, to an extremely waspish type
Drinking: Champions League. Landlord of Hope & Anchor, Likes the Woods 
Interests: Engines,Golf (ish), More engines, Mongol veteran, Women's underwear



Name: Big Dai
Role:  Front line paddler, Tipster, Erection of tents (he's been camping before).
Age:    50
Born:   Leamington Spa
Work:  Engineer (Or something in a factory ?)
Married: Divorced, Latest status subject to speculation
Drinking: Premiership, Tends to slyly slope off
Interests: Horse racing, Running, Bit of a concert goer, Raves, Mongol veteran
Note: Photograph cropped to avoid embarrassment to family








Name:  Paul ,Lone Wolf McQuade, The Chosen One
Role: Front line paddler, Seeker of ale, Sage, Entertainment
Age:   48 or 49
Born:   Leamington Spa probably
Work : Plumber
Married:  Yes, On about his 4th or 5th
Drinking:  Champions League, Miserable without ale
Interests:  Drinking, Weddings, Leamington Football Club, Cream Horns, Drinking, Mongol Veteran


Name:  Steph
Role: : Driving, Reconnaissance (Pubs) Could be roped in to paddle a mile or two
Age: 40 ish
Born:  Caerphilly, Wales
Work: No Idea, somewhere Birmingham way I think
Married: No, but newly courting, A bit of a Lothario,
Drinking : Premiership, Often seen propping up the "wood" when not skint
Interests:  Rugby Union (well he's Welsh) Women, Loving, Golf bunkers.



Name:  Shorty
Role:    Driving, Cooking, Sarcasm
Age:      50  
Born:     Leamington Spa
Work:   Roofer, House husband 
Married:  Yes to Elizabeth, Grandfather to many.
Drinking: Premiership, Highly caustic whilst intoxicated
Interests:  Sleeping, Sarcasm




Name: Kev

Role: Trailblazing canoeist, Photographer, Blogger, 
Age:  About 46
Born:  Leamington Spa
Work: Dedicated, Irreplaceable cutting edge delivery officer at Royal Mail
Married: Cruelly separated but hasn't cried for ages
Drinking: Premiership especially since being back "on the wrist"
Interests: Photography, Pure Mathematics, Quantum Physics, Archaeology, Computational Chemistry and Marbles.


Name: Jonny
Role:   Front line paddler, Organiser, Repairer,
Age:    Mid 40's
Born:  Leamington Spa
Work  Designs cars I believe, pity it wasn't boats
Married : Was, but now with partner and proud producer of young son
Drinking:  Division 1, although not 100% about this, May struggle to keep up with the top drinkers like Lone Wolf.
Interests:  Organising things, Concerts, Turkish hospitals, Mongol veteran.










These are the lads I know that are definitely on the ferry to Ireland, the finest body of athletes you could  wish to meet !?...... Anymore, and I think that is likely, and the profiles will follow assuming of course that I know 'em.

Irish Deliverance

On August 23rd 2012 an as yet unquantified number of intrepid souls will be embarking on a 350ish mile jaunt in Canadian canoes from the tip of Northern Ireland to the mouth of the River Shannon at Limerick. The main body of paddlers will be the team that gloriously completed the 2011 Mongol Rally which this blog attempted to document. The only experience of water-born activity for most is a gentle totter from the Leam Boat Centre  all the way to Newbold Comyn, an estimated total of about a mile and a half (if that !), and this by definitely one, maybe two of the Irish Deliverance team who were almost certainly inebriated. Also a few of the lads have done a bit of fishing apparently. Any monies raised are again being donated to Warwickshire and Northamptonshire Air Ambulance . "Extensive" training on the rowing machine has started for some but not for others. I myself have managed 10 whole minutes a day with Friday (forgot) Saturday (Shorty's 50th birthday, Rios' 21st and Warwick Races) and Sunday (Recovery from Saturday) earmarked as well earned rest days. I will endeavour to blog the events leading up to the main event such as meetings, training (A paddle to Stratford Upon Avon and back is "planned") and any other business leading upto the start. Profiles of  all the pioneers along with photos, as dodgy as I can find, will also be posted as and when I know who's foolish enough to be participating.                         

                                                                                                                                                                           

Mongol Rally-Homecoming

After sobbing his heart out and being branded a tightwad ,
 Lone Wolf returns to what he knows best:
DRINK.

" In the Red Rooster with Liam..happy days"

With the  arduous jaunt on the Trans Siberian  to Moscow seemingly taking a mental toll on our wanderers, (Steve rocking to and fro, ape like on his bunk) it was perhaps wisely decided to take to the air to reach their next destination : Wuppertal, Germany. The city of Wuppertal is the home of the Red Rooster bar which served as a local to Steve and others whilst working in Germany a few years ago. Twenty odd patrons of the Hope & Anchor me included,  made the pilgrimage to the RR two years ago during a weekend of revelry in celebration of Steve's impending nuptials . Perhaps not an establishment to impress someone on a first date, depending on the type of companion you are out to entice of course, it is a fine "working mens" bar where a good drink can be had. Lone Wolf however appears to have had some issues during his first visit:

" I James Arthur Pittaway would like to make the following statement as thus: Paul Bannan aka Lone Wolf is a tightwad who does not contribute toward his ale bill"

Normally not one shy of approaching the wood, it may be surmised that Lone Wolf's gorging of the manky cream horns in Siberia has failed to mollify ongoing complications with the snarts. Further evidence of his dismay can be predicted from the first part in this text:

"News Flash: Lone Wolf says no to beer but sees sense after rubbing his eyes"

The prospect of having an ale free day would have been hideous for The Chosen One, and seems to have had him openly blubbing in front of the lads. Mercifully he appears to have got a grip on himself just in time, wiped his eyes and put an end to this embarrassing episode.

The snarts seem to have claimed it's missing victim:

"After 10000 odd miles and all the strange food the eastern world had to offer, I have finally got the snarts following a McDonalds breakfast and Big Mac dinner" (Steve)

After dispatching snake, manky cheese, moths, and vodka galore, it is ironic that the fayre offered at McDonalds has penetrated the immune system and condemned Steve to the same unfortunate fate as his travelling companions, which I can confidently predict would have been the source of high gratification to one and all.

At the time of writing they are due back in the Hope & Anchor via Brugge in Belgium anytime now, if not already. Hats off to all five of them for raising over £7000 for the charities and of course the laughs and experiences they have had will be with them for the rest of their lives. A celebratory drink will be had in the pub on Saturday 3rd September which fortunately or perhaps unfortunately coincides with my 50th birthday where all are welcome and I shall also be having a little glass or two.

Only leaves to say :Thanks for reading and what am I going to write about now ?